The Back Pack
Strongback - Oldest and strongest back. Is part dragon, and thus, has brilliant golden scales. His scales can be sold for a pretty penny. A vicious bloodrager with tiny arms and tiny legs. In battle, when not using his claws, he wields the coveted Two-Handed Greatsword which is the largest sword in his collection. But don’t let its size fool you, as there’s nothing awkward or clumsy about this awesome sword. A core member of Malcolm and the Mad Lads. Previously a founding member of Hunch and the Honeys. * Oakback - Untrustworthy. Lives in Meridian Dawn in Soresia. Probably kills people. Acquainted with Bongo and the Bois. Ultimately proved himself to be a MAN during the great siege upon Aurelia. * Stönback - moderately long and hard barbarian. Has a beard which changes color depending upon his current emotion. Has a completely hollow stone body, all his internal organs are stuffed into his legs. Often rumored that the legendary Aigee-Gorg secretly lives within the cold, stone shell that is Stönback’s body. Loves to watch Freddie’s Food Reviews (is coo gui’s). Also a member of Malcolm and the Mad Lads. Happily married to Svala. His catchphrase is “OH HELLO THERE!” Is currently missing two of his fingers due to a “mishap” in The Mechanical Room. * Smokeback - Very racist, especially towards poor people. * Snapback - Extremely childish. Overall, deep deep DEEP down he’s got a good heart, but all of his brothers agree, it’s time for him to grow up. He enjoys being a bully, often targeting children, or those that are too weak to fight back. Was born with literally zero chin, an insecurity that he tries to conceal at all costs. His hair is extremely greasy, thus he constantly wears a snapback to hide his disgusting, putrid mane. Can't accept any form of criticism, when faced with criticism, he immediately starts whining like a spoiled child named Dudley. “This kid is ‘litrerly’ the cringiest kid on the whole planet,” Snapback often says. * CarlosMatosBack - looooooves Bitconnect, has invested his entire life savings into Bitconnect. His wife still doesn’t believe in him. What is he gonna do? Has friends from Vietnam. Seemingly has an endless surplus of energy, all of which he focuses into promoting Bitconnect. He is independently, financially independently. Is an associate of Stönback (who is truly the founder of Bitconnect). Long ago, CarlosMatosBack (under the orders of Stönback) swindled a younger Nargo out of all his gold, prompting the poverty-stricken gnoll to become a mercenary to survive. The present day Nargo has no idea that it was Stönback who concocted this scheme. CarlosMatosBack hasn’t been seen since this scam, none of his brothers know where he is. * Yolkback - Brings home the bacon. But he himself is a strict vegan. Militaristically tries to push his veganism onto others. * Brickback - Devout follower of Karl Marx’s political philosophies. Currently running for the position of presidency at his island home. * Jugback - in the fridge. Almost always filled with delicious tinned peach syrup. What a drink! But, once in a blue moon, Jugback is filled with a certain deadly substance that may appear to be peach syrup, but upon tasting the liquid, one will find Jugback is filled instead with thick cooking oil. * Fredback - Known for befuddling and confusing innocent Will Smiths who are just trying to go about their day. He is often yelled at aggressively by the Will Smiths. * Fitback - Often needs to have his clothes custom-tailored for him. But even with custom-fitted clothes, they still never seem to fit him just right. * Beakback - slender tengu bloke. Has an extremely powerful beak capable of breaking through almost any material. * Leoback - works as a truck driver, expects a clean house when he gets home. Smokes ONE brand of cigarette ONLY. Needs a new pair of shoes. Absolutely hates it when people put their hands in their pockets. Is roommates with a forest elf that plays a bamboo flute and speaks in riddles while wearing pajamas each morning. * Snitchback - Tiny, fast, and gold. Awards 150 points when caught and ends the game. Can’t keep a secret to save his life. * Quickback - always demanding that the chit chat ends and the grub gets going. Light on his feet. Expert tap dancer. * Edback - owns a gas station. Most folk call him Big Edback. He’s a big lug. * Coopback - Most charming. Loves coffee. Hates fish. Doesn’t like birds. Very quirky and odd. Works in the FBI as a special agent based out of the Philadelphia Headquarters. * Scrubadubdubback - Major criminal. Currently in jail for robbing a bank. But he’ll break out eventually, he always does. * Lethanback - Grimiest, world renowned most sensitive man, can’t handle even the slightest criticism. Has a strange, unhealthy fascination with turkeys * Bristleback - A very basic fighter with bristles on back, essentially a giant reptilian porcupine monster. He can never find a comfortable sleeping position due to the vast amount of bristles. His quill-covered body certainly has its drawbacks, but in combat Bristleback has proven himself to be a formidable opponent that shouldn’t be taken lightly. * Squeeback - Defending World Champion of Beyblades. Owns hundreds of fidget spinners. Loves everything that relates to spinning. * Driftback - Very buoyant. World-class swim champion. Hates things that are more dense then water. Hates people who cannot swim. * Smirkback - Registered sex-offender. Isn’t invited to family gatherings, yet shows up anyway. Overall, he’s a huge creep. Normally during gatherings, he stands beside the punch bowl so that people are forced to acknowledge his existence when they go to get a drink. * Slamback - World star basketball player, known for saying, “Come on and slam and welcome to the jam.” Has very long, stretchy arms. Almost always confused, pondering aloud, “What’s goin’ on here?” * Soapback - Cleanest. Clean teeth. Clean house. Clean clothes. Clean criminal record. Clean mouth. He isn’t afraid to admit how clean his is. But, for his sake and yours, don’t drug test him. * Sockback - Has a very noticeable lazy eye. Speaks with a lisp. Dropped out of college and tried to form a jazz band with some of his high school friends. As of the present day, his jazz band, called Socky and the Swingers, has reached only minimal success. * Mineback - Often proclaims things as his own, even things that that really can’t belong to a single person, such as the sounds a bird makes or the entire month of June. * Peteback - Loves fish. Loves coffee. He often combines the two things he loves. Defending champion of the Fishing Association. His idol is Jose Raul Capablanca. * Bookhouseback - secret society. * .Gifback - Full name is GraphicsInterchangeFormatback. Loves to get up and move around. * Spamback - Moderators hate him. Always types in ALL CAPS. Loves using the keyboards commands of Ctrl + A, Ctrl + C, and Ctrl + V. * Switchback - can’t be trusted due to his double-crossing nature, he never holds a strong allegiance to a single side, he often switches back and forth between two battling armies, fighting alongside whichever side is winning. * Swampback - Saving up money so that he can purchase a nice tract of land at his local swamp, so that his name will be thematically appropriate * Smashback - has a prominent mouth. Compulsively destroys his own property, breaking his belongings and smashing through walls. * Scratchback - is completely ordinary, except one of his fingernails, his middle finger on his right hand, is extremely long and sharp. In battle he wields his peculiarly long claw as a weapon. If one of his brothers has a scratch on their back that they can't reach, he's more than happy to help them out. * Twinpeaksback - Hit 90s TV show that’s coming back with a limited event series on May 21, 2017. * Slickback - Famous sea captain. Good friends with Captain Glezdon. Acquainted with Bongo and the Bois. User of SeaCaptainDate.com * Slishback - Greasiest. Well known for slithering about, slishing anyone who gets in his way with a plastic butter knife he stole from a homeless person. A devout worshipper of Chef Boyardee. * Leechback - obsessed with the latest designer fashion trends. He is very much a follower, as opposed to a leader. He longs to always be a part of the joke, and to always be in with the rest of the crowd. * Kelback - Spends most of his time in the dungeon, claiming himself to be Dungeon Daddy. His brothers ignore Kelback’s absurd claims. * Zackback - All-powerful. Also goes by the name God Lord Supreme Emperor Champion Conqueror King Master Premier Overlord Zackback. * Spongeback - most absorbent hands down, no contest. He is quoted as saying, “Nobody absorbs liquid better than me. Believe me.” * Blackback - Gets discriminated against for some reason. Is often shot at by cops. Is often the subject of police brutality. Treated very harshly for even the most minor and inoffensive of crimes. Has a more difficult time getting a job, getting loans, and renting a house. Because he can’t get a job, he has no choice but to sell drugs to make money. He just wants everyone to be happy in life, for everyone to be treated the same. He is an innocent soul in a world of monsters; monsters who want only to crush the innocent. * Bigblackandhardback - His friends call him Cole Stephenson. Contrary to his name, Bigblackandhardback is quite small, white, and soft. * Keemback - is very fast, but lives in a constant state of stroke, massively hindering his speed. * Madback - Deranged maniac obsessed with slishing off hands and cutting off chins. Constantly spazzing around, slinging knives around, squealing and blithering like a madman. * Swooceback - Possesses the ability to forcefully gain access to an otherwise impossible to enter area such as an open window that is extremely high and difficult to reach without the assistance of a ladder. This graceful action requires intense concentration along with acrobatic aptitude. Swooceback always accompanies this performance with the mighty exclamation of the first half of his own name. * Slimeback - name is pretty self-explanatory, nothin’ more to say. * Zuccback - drinks water like an alien. The rest of the back bros aren’t 100% certain if he’s even their brother, he might just be a robot. But, regardless, they still treat him like a member of the family. Footage of Zuccback * Grindback - time4grind. Always on that grind. Never stops grinding. Works nearly 30 jobs on Back Island. Loves to work. Won’t stop working until he dies. Won’t stop grinding until he dies. * Kerhsback - isn’t legally allowed to be within a 100 foot radius of any elementary or primary school. He’s a short, pudgy, purple monkey witch. His idol is the legendary bard, Aigee-Gorg. * Lurchback - basically just Robbie Rotten. Everything was perfect, until Stephanie and Sportaflippitydab came and ruined everything that Lurchback spent his entire life working for. Will have vengeance. Hates exercise and healthy food. * Kawback - Was given his name due to his similarities to the legendary Kawkrookitar. His brothers often refer to him simply as “the stench monster”. As with Smirkback, Kawback is never invited to family gatherings due to his putrid aroma. But unlike Smirkback, Kawback doesn’t show up, as he generally dislikes his whole family, especially Snapback. The only brother he can really tolerate is Kickback. Let's be honest, who doesn’t love Kickback? * Bruiseback - Most beaten-down and scarred. Very unlucky. Every possible thing that could go wrong, has gone wrong for Bruiseback. Spends most of his time cowering in the corner, licking his tears, his arms folded over his head, bracing himself for the next barrage of beatings that the world will undoubtedly administer upon him. * Luckback - the talk of the town, the life of the party. Very easy to get along with. Lives a peaceful life. Overall, a great guy with zero flaws. * Roundaboutback - * Logback - works diligently at the local sawmill, has earned the honorary title “Saw Hero.” One day, he’ll have something to say about this. * Noneshalltouchthebeerback - Most agitating and anxiety-inducing. Being anywhere near him induces intense stress and nervousness. * Luggback - recently enrolled in a series of software development courses. Very technologically savvy. The more brutish of his brothers often make fun of him for being, as they say, a “nerd.” Luggback, in response, merely shrugs and goes about his day. * Lemmeback - Most assertive. When there’s something he wants, he gets it, always, no exceptions. Has tiny, black, narrow eyes. All he has to do to get what he wants is stare at people and they automatically comply. * Deskback - Whenever of the the bros need something to write on, they call Deskback, he’s proud of serve. * Nerveback - uncomfortable around new people, but once you warm up to him, he’s a nice guy. Just don’t poke him in specific areas, it triggers epileptic fits. * Oldback - Has a flappy Michael Rosen throat, but is otherwise completely different from Michael Rosen. He hates telling stories and fooling around. * Flickback - often cannot contain himself when the flicking commences. Has perfected his flicking technique over the years. The Back Bros often challenge each other to brawls, in order to prove who is stronger. However, no one has the stones to challenge Flickback, for the lizardfolk’s flick is strong enough to send any opponents flying. * Shrekback - Biggest, meanest, and greenest. Blatantly denies any claims that Strongback is bigger than him, despite the fact that it is obviously true. He’s fought against Strongback many times in the past, but has never managed to best the golden beast. * Slimback - his word is law in the bunkhouse. Also rigged the Florida voting system in the 2000 presidential election. * TimDillback - Also known as TheMainEventback. Always knows exactly what time it is. Always picks fights with his brothers, and has never lost to a single one of them. Not even the mighty Strongback can manage to overpower him; they’ve quarreled numerous times in the past, but every battle ends in a flat-out victory for TheMainEventback. Try as they might, none of the Back Bros can defeat TimDillback. * Trickback - Previously under house arrest for an unknown crime. After his release, his car was ran off the highway by an oncoming vehicle, and he nearly crashed into a tree. He was forced to enlist the help of a farmer to pull his car out of a ditch back onto the road. Minutes after the incident, he met with Grugback and Fitback at a tavern. He angrily told them of his encounter with the reckless driver before proclaiming that he was going to get another round of drinks. He was never seen or heard from again after this. Trickback’s ultimate fate remains a complete mystery to the Back Pack. * Milkback - Most fickle and timid. Gets pushed around by all of his brothers and friends. Never fights back, he doesn’t have the heart for that. * Legback - his legs are of a mutant length, much longer than they need to be. Is always sussing about. Can’t help himself when it comes to The Gorging. * Walkback - wheelchair bound after a car accident paralyzed him from the waist down. Oftens breaks out into song. * Lynchback - Hates telephones. Good friends with Twinpeaksback. Always wonders why everyone is so concerned about how long his scenes are. * Boiback - often tries to prove that he is The Man, but always fails miserably. Everyone knows that Boiback is no man, he’ll always just be a boy. His big brothers always push him around and knock down his sand castles, proving their dominance, but one day Boiback will show them all. He will make them pay, no matter the cost. * Littleback - Ironically, not the littlest of the back brothers. He is about average size. Likes to strut up and down the street, snapping at pretty girls that he passes. Has really greasy emo hair. Loves pizza time. ' ' * Patback - ⇦ Looks like this * Backback - Attends anger-management classes every Thursday at 1:30. * Smackback - Isn’t gonna put up with your sass. Smackback isn’t one to let people push him around, he fights back whenever he can even if it is a battle he knows he cannot win. * Whipback - A.K.A. Father Whipper * BOBback - Best hair, best smile, the ladies “love” him. Smells of scorched engine oil. Wears a dirty denim jacket and a pair of wrinkled jeans. * Weakback - Wobbly knees, wobbly everything. Wibbles and wobbles all about. Has a hard time keeping a solid foothold, even on the most fortified ground. * Showerback - hasn’t bathed since his falling out with Da Da years ago * Sourback - has a kelp garden in his backyard. Has a coconut tree in his front yard. Has a pet cat named Jill. Powers his house using photovoltaic and wind power from his own personal solar panels and windmills. * Picklerickback - Most despicable. His pleas of “Flip me over!” are always ignored. Really jealous of his younger brother Kickback (but really, who isn’t?). * Septic5awesomeback - (sloshing noises at max volume) * Nickelback - Canadian rock band formed in 1995 in Hanna, Alberta, Canada. The band is composed of guitarist and lead vocalist Chad Kroeger, guitarist, keyboardist and backing vocalist Ryan Peake, bassist Mike Kroeger, and drummer Daniel Adair. The band went through a few drummer changes between 1995 and 2005, achieving its current lineup when Adair replaced drummer Ryan Vikedal. * Slugback - Literally just an old, smelly chair. Runs a club called The Slugback Club; there is one member, himself. Also: BALD. * Trainback - Constantly followed by his brother Smokeback and his friend CJ. He considers his house to be “the wrong house.” Also, has a very large appetite. * Dirtback - very handsome, also blind in both eyes. Also deaf in both ears. Uses echolocation to find his way around. * Dragback - Proud member of the National Socialist Workers Party. Anti-semitic and anti-marxist. Prays to his hero, Adolf Hitler, every morning. * Boogiewoogieback - Is clinically depressed and is a major narcissist. Hates himself. Hates life. Has always desired to have a loving girlfriend, but has been denied this pleasure. He pretends to be normal and happy as a facade he puts on for his brothers. He is secretly planning to embark upon a mass spree-shooting to take vengeance upon all the pretty women, and the men they’re attracted to, that rejected him in life. Is a true gentleman. * Grugback - works at Walmart, wishes that he didn’t, wishes that he worked at Burger King. There is nothing else significant about him. * Yuckback - Owns the Yuckback Independent Law Firm, fierce rival of Grelchback. Prefers experience over youth. * B00shback - can’t keep up with the latest popular trends online. Works as a doctor. An expert in medicine. His parents are very proud of him. * Skrunchback - Doesn’t wear socks. Never has. Never will. End of story. Hates ‘em. Absolutely hates socks. Feels the need to explain to anyone that will listen about his hatred of socks. * Bunkback - practices transcendental meditation. * Biteback - Overly defensive. Easily offended. Even the smallest thing can set him off. And once get on his bad side, there’s no reconciling with him. First impressions really matter with Biteback. * Burgerback - His proper, full name is DoghouseKingBurgerBack * Woolback - Is often harvested for his wool, a very valuable and precious resources. * TheFitnessgramPacerTestback - Creator of the Fitnessgram Pacer Test, which is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear a signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear a ding. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word ‘start’. “On your mark, get ready, start!” -TheFitnessgramPacerTestback. * Sweetback - Rotten to the core. Always wanted a pet, but he’s allergic to nearly every household pet, so instead, he owns a cactus that he affectionately refers to as Little Pokey, it is his only true friend. * Hiltback - Billionaire by day, vigilante by night. Operates outside of the law. The people love him. * Strawback - he coined the idiom, “the straw that broke the camel’s back.” * Bonoback - not afraid to get down to business and get his hands dirty. When the goin’ gets tough, so does he. Overall, he’s very reliable and takes matters into his own hands when something big goes down. * Tethan Erry - Everyone pretends like she doesn’t exist. He hates her life and wants to die, but he’s too much of a coward to kill herself. * Gooback - devout flat-earther, climate-change denier, geocentrism believer, holocaust denier, and scientologist. * Bindleback - Doesn’t own a bindle. Hates it when people ask him if he owns a bindle. * Dougieback - Ushered in a new era of tie fashion. Nobody knows where his suit or haircut came from. Always improves the lives of the people around him tenfold. Often repeats the last three words he hears. * Lickback - Never passed elementary school. When asked if he would prefer to eat ice cream out of a cup or cone, he will promptly answer, “Cone. I like to lick.” * Acheback - Has a hard time waking up in the morning. Often suffers for his brothers’ sins. Often serves prison time for crimes that his brothers commit. * Lunchback - runs an international human-trafficking ring. Has little remorse for human well-being. Completely emotionless. * Shrimpback - Allergic to cats, has been known to convulse in puddles of oily, green ooze from time to time, all the while hissing and sputtering * Painback - Gets obsessively mocked by his brothers, but he’s used to it at this point, so it doesn’t bother him. Every insult his brothers throw at him bounces off his thick skin. He focuses on writing poetry, his only escape from his cruel, pitiful existence. Words cannot explain the pain he goes through each and every day, pain that he is now utterly desensitized to, in a state of permanent numbness. * Skimpback - has a dirty rat tail. He is quite slimy overall. He hates ooze, and pretends it doesn't exist. When the pants go onto his head, he transforms into the infamous Skrumpback. * Thiccback - radical christian fundamentalist. Protests outside of federal buildings, holding up signs that say, “GOD HATES FAGS.” * Slakeback - Nasty and hard, soaking in a glass bowl for several days. Also, he’s a huge normie. He is always making normie memes, causing his brothers to collectively facepalm. * Bustinback - ain’t afraid of no sleep, ain’t afraid of no bed. Several things make him feel good, but only one of them he will sing about. * Jamesback - BOOSH ZOOSH GOOSH LOOSH XOOSH OOSH * Shangback - World-renowned businessman * Mulanback - He’s got a long way to go…. * Bigback - morbidly obese, his life is crumbling around him, once he gets rolling there’s no stopping him from his rampage. * Reviewback - “Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’...” Refuses to sit down when ordered to do so, even if a countdown is issued. Hates Burger King. Doesn’t have a favorite sauce. Has never ordered a Big Smoke. * Loveback - works as a security guard for a massive drug cartel stationed in The Shadowrock Confederacy * Szechuansauceback - He always sets unrealistic goals, and always fails miserably. It’s gotten to a point in which the rest of the brothers aren’t even disappointed in him, they just feel bad for him, after all, he’s trying his best. * Largeback - Offers funding to many drug rehabilitation centers and animal shelters. * Gorgback - Most annoying. Dances like no one is watching, but only when everyone is watching. His dance moves are utterly horrific, he usually just flops into his stomach and shakes around on the floor whilst sobbing uncontrollably as an army of children poke him with sharp sticks. * Grinchback - Christmas Cretin, often sits alone atop his snow peaked mountain home and wonders to himself, “Have I truly become a monster?” * Granchback - Attends an Ivy League college, aiming for a phd in dentistry. * REEEback - easily calmed. Very level-headed, rational, kind, and logical. * Grabback - had quick, shifty, grabby hands that were unfortunately slished off in a fight with one of his brothers * Litback - currently on suicide watch. His brothers are very concerned. Save for Snapback, who keeps sending his little brother emails which say “kys”. * Benback - Won the Civil War, led the Confederate South to victory. Slept on the bottom bunk. Cannot find the hickory sticks. * Jerryback - Wears his mother’s hat maybe. Slept on the top bunk. Wants to know where the hickory sticks are. Doesn’t trust his foot. Smokes weed. Owns a pair of suspicious binoculars. * Goldback - has very basic dark green,mscales. Very jealous of his older brother Strongback for his glorious golden scales. His scales may be an unremarkable shade of green, but without a doubt he has a heart of solid gold. * Grunchback - Used car salesman, lives in a garage with grimey roommate named Slim WillY. Smokes at least two packs of cigarettes a day. * Cashback - stingy and rapacious. Owns a private bank that all of the Back Bros use, but he doesn’t let them make withdraws, only deposits. * Crunchback - Extremely thick, tough skin, not unlike Stönback’s stony hide. Produces a satisfying crunch when chewed * Redback - Drug dealer. Knows a bunch of magic tricks. He is a man, in fact, he is The Man. Likes to tease his brothers, calling them “kids,” the most heinous of insults. Often hangs out with his brother Kickback. * Propaneback - Works hard for an honest living. REAL work. He provides the people of this community with propane and propane accessories, his lifelong dream. (patriotic music plays) * Grelchback - Owns the Grelchback Independent Law Firm, fierce rival of Yuckback. Prefers youth over experience. * Susback - N/A * Harryboback - often the target of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse by his cruel grandfather * Fullback - Always wonders what happened to predictability, the milkman, the paperboy, and evening TV. Everywhere he goes and everywhere he looks, there’s a heart and a hand to hold onto. * Kickback - as cool as a cucumber, wears a pair of shades, sometimes called “Rick.” His older brother, Picklerickback, is jealous of Kickback; he has good reason to be. * Aigeeback - Gooiest. Ooziest. Slimiest. Greedy. Morally conflicted. Very low wisdom. Unattractive. Somehow likeable. * Diamondback- Has large diamond protruding from his back. Bites. In total, he’s worth hundreds of billions of gold. * Babyback - the youngest of the backs, he’s only an infant, his name’s gonna be really strange when he grows up